Facing the Abyss

Submitted Anonymously

“I won't lie, it has been an incredibly challenging last few months during this pandemic. It seems that COVID impacts everyone a little differently - some people approach it carelessly, while others have amplified anxiety and worry. For me, the struggle has come in raising an almost 18 year old who had a suicide attempt after being totally home-bound with no social outlets or life structure. Looking into the abyss of adulthood in such an uncertain world created incredible overwhelm and depression, and with all of her school classes moved online, it was a total washout.

I am grateful that she actually came and told me after she took the entire bottle of pills. I am grateful that our bond was strong enough for her to not want to die after feeling the intense urge to do so just moments before. Her depression, impulsivity, and terror of this life, were a very scary mix.

I am grateful that she received the help she needed to get stabilized, and that she now feels hopeful about stepping into adulthood. Don't get me wrong, we still have bad days, and scary days, and lots of anxiety and worry thrown in the middle - but what we do have now is hope. She is slowly taking the steps to build the life and future that feels right to her, and I am slowly taking the steps to surrender any pressure I put on her to build a life I think she should have. I think we both feel a hope that is different, and that is serving as the foundation for a new way forward.”